Movie Review: Friday the 13th (1980)

28 Oct



Well this year G and I are celebrating Halloween by watching stupid classic slasher movies.   First up, the original Friday the 13th!  This movie also has the benefit of being one of a series my parents banned me from ever ever watching–so I was all feeling rebellious last night watching this and eating gobs of candy.  HAHAHAHA!  I should take a picture of myself and send it to my mother–I’m grown up now MOM!

Ok, so I’m not going to go on about the plot–and oh yeah, in case you don’t know anything about anything SPOILERS FOLLOW.  Just a few observations about this movie.

1.  Man this must be about the worst camp ever.   We hear they’re for 50 campers and they have three canoes, one haybale with a pretty janky looking target on it, one functioning sink in the bathroom, and electricity that seems to start and stop at random.  Actually a more entertaining movie would be if there was no killer and the campers came and we had to watch inner city children be bored.

2.  Is it just me or is Annie’s life dream to work the cafeteria for a children’s camp very specific?   Also there’s talk with the truck driver about the curse on Crystal Lake which involves:  Jason’s drowning (ok) and  two kids slashed (that’s pretty terrible) but both of these things happened 25 years ago–so what’s the rest of this curse?   Fires and bad water?  I don’t even know what he means by bad water–was it poisoned?  Did it get sulphery?

3.  Also when Annie hitches a ride with the killer, why exactly is the killer speeding up the car?  (Oh yeah and GIANT SPOILER–the killer is Jason’s mother)–was the plan to drive Annie somewhere else and then kill her there?    Why go faster?   Also Annie seems like she has no survival skills considering she’s been hitchhiking for awhile.

4.  Kevin Bacon’s Speedo–WTH?  I mean is he stuffing that thing or what?  G and I were watching and then all of a sudden Kevin Bacon’s junk is just there right in the screen.  Weird misshapen square junk.   Other weird forms of male flesh–Ned in a sweatshirt diaper and indian headdress, and the head of the camp in really short jean shorts and red socks.  None of it is remotely attractive.

5.   Ok, so Kevin Bacon and his girl are making out on the bottom bunk when a corpse is on the top bunk with no idea whatsoever?   Couldn’t you tell?   Also, was Jason’s mother just lying under the bed the whole time?   Also how much blood must be up there if it’s dripping THROUGH the mattress?

6.  Strip Monopoly?  I don’t even know how that would work.   At this point in the movie G and I got into a heated debate about a clothing based economy which may have ended by me calling him a tea-party fanatic and him calling me a bleeding heart liberal–but I digress.

7.   Jeez these girls have no problem with running around in the rain in just their underpants.   Maybe those inner city kids would have been entertained after all.

8.   “Hi my name is Marcie!  I hear creepy noises in the disgusting bathroom so guess what I’m going to do?  Kathryn Hepburn impressions!  YES!”

9.  Wow that is one HOT waitress at the diner.   I don’t know if it’s her orange fro or her gigantic glasses, but I wasn’t prepared for this much cuteness when I signed up.

10.  Pamela Voorhees–When I was watching this with G, he was all like “this is a mystery!”  even though I knew who did it before even watching.  Let me tell you something, even if you know nothing about this movie, THIS IS NOT A MYSTERY.  Sure there’s a few half-baked red herrings, but unless you think Steve drove off, unhitched his trailer, killed Annie, then rehitched his trailer up (which seems unnecessarily elaborate), there’s absolutely no clues as to who might be doing it.  In fact, it’s pretty evident early on that the killer is nobody we have met yet.  On top of that Pamela immediately goes into psycho shriek mode when we meet her.

11.  By the way Pamela’s got superhuman strength or something.  She throws a corpse through a window, arranges the rest in trees an top bunks, gets hit in the face by a shotgun, a cast iron skillet, a metal poker and an oar, and even then Alice had to cut her head off to make sure she was dead.   And the woman fights dirty–at one point even biting Alice’s leg.

12.   Also, Alice isn’t too bright.  She barricades the door from the inside, even though it opens out, with a piece of wood, a picture from the wall, and a couple of chairs.  Also, she leaves her gas stove on boiling water as she searches for her boyfriend.   Each time she knocks Pamela out, she just kind of wanders off, at one point just looking at her own face in the water of the lake.    Also, why do they have like 30 shotguns?  To keep the inner city kids under control no doubt!

13.  The end is kinda confusing.  I think we’re supposed to take from it that Jason is still alive (but then why all the reports of a drowned kid?) or at least a body was never recovered.  I think her “dream” of Jason was supposed to be just a hallucination?   I don’t know, it’s not like this movie went too far into the story.

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