2 Dec

Phew, lately I have been feeling stuck, and either I could go into activity hyperdrive thus spinning my wheels or I can write about it, which is what I’m choosing to do right now.  Stuckness is a really frustrating emotion because it feels like an unidentifiable craving, and at the same time it’s a red flashing beacon that wants me to do something.  What it doesn’t tell me is what, exactly, I want, so it always takes a little detective work.  Stuckness brings with it moderate anxiety and irritability.  So what can be making it?

My job.  I like my job but it’s extremely stressful and we’ve been short lately.  I haven’t been able to get everything done in a way that I really like.  Also there’s just a bunch of stuff going on there that makes things a little less predictable than usual.  This also causes stress.  What I’m trying to do to cope is to just focus on one thing at a time and to not look at the forest for awhile–though every so often I do, I go yikes, and go back to the trees.

The daylight–these short days are really getting to me this year.  I’m thinking of getting a lamp–it’s just that leaving for work in darkness and then coming home in darkness is depressing–for me, when it gets dark my brain automatically shifts to getting ready for the next day mode.

Sleep!  I need to be really strict with my sleep schedule–when it’s dark like this my energy levels are lower, and I’m likely to take things less gracefully than usual.  I’m also thinking of changing my workout schedule, maybe to throw in more cardio, I’ll think about it.

The thing is stuckness really is a sort of anger–a frustration of not moving quick enough.  And sometimes, work can be an easy anger bucket–there’s always something there to be stressed out about, that’s part of its nature.  Really I want to be doing other things, and that’s all.  Well, here’s to other things!


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