News Stories that are Always There

22 Aug

1. Ten billion reasons you should be terrified right now.
2. Buy this right now!
3. Celebrities are stupid.
4. This Killer is Really Bad
5. Wacky Person does things their own way.
6. Politician caught with pants down!
7. Nothing is ever going to get better.
8. Today’s kids are ill-educated, disrespectful, and violent.
9. Every place is dangerous so you might as well stay home.
10. Why are people watching so much TV?
11. Stay tuned, there’s more after this!
12. Smart people are boring and you can’t possibly understand them.
13. An extremely simplified and dumbed down version of some important topic!
14. Manufactured controversy.
15. This common thing is bad for you. Not just bad–really bad. It’s the most horrible thing ever. Throw it away NOW.
16. Horrible people who don’t care about anybody but themselves.
17. What is the world coming to?
18. Mrs. X thought she was having a normal day until…
19. And now Mrs. X is horribly maimed and is sending a plea out for America to pay more attention to…
20. The weather (which is usually inaccurate)

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