24 Jul

When I was little, I would want to paint something beautiful, something with all the colors–ALL of them, and the result was supposed to be this shiny spectacular shimmering cornucopia that would make everybody go ooooooh. So I would get all the colors and put them on the paper and move my hands wildly with brushes just like artists on television, and then I’d step back–
–and find a very uninspiring grey-brown blob that wouldn’t make anybody go ooooooh at all.

Since then, I’ve learned my primary and secondary colors and grey-brown blobs happen hardly at all, but the image sticks. Sometimes we pour all our magic into something and what we get is just that–a blob. When I most fall into blobness is when I’m explaining my feelings about something, because revealing your feelings–that’s supposed to be revelation time right! I mean the other person is supposed to pat my hand when I’m done and say I know exactly what you mean and we’d laugh and cry a little and everything will be fine. More often I go through my statements of discomfort and anxiety and upsetness and love, the whole cookie, and the person just looks at me with a squinchy look and just doesn’t know what to do. Blob.

But thank goodness for those grey blobs, they’re not fun but they’re useful. They can come when making some sort of project, or throwing ideas around about work, or planning for the future. We can throw all our magic and sparkle in and what comes out isn’t what we expected, isn’t anything.

It tells us that we’re not looking at the space–that we’re moving like artists without noticing the colors, that we’re too attached to the end thing and not the thousand in between things that happen in the middle. Big grey blob says don’t go for the end, this is what you get when you do that, go for the moment, for the now, take a big breath and just experience the processes in things not expecting to go anywhere.

Then even your big grey blob will have a moment of rainbow.

3 Responses to “Blob”

  1. Shez July 25, 2012 at 11:36 pm #

    Not all grey blobs are just blobs. Some are clouds in the making, a warning of a storm, the carrier of a ton of water or the parting to let the sun shine in. Any of those possibilities can be met with great joy or disappointment. A cloud dropping rain on an outdoor wedding, not so good. A cloud dropping rain in the parched and dry mid-west right now would be a huge blessing. As always I enjoy your blog. 😀

    • pewterbreath July 26, 2012 at 7:50 pm #

      Oh thank you very much! I enjoy your comments, and the lovely photos on your blog as well!

      • Shez July 26, 2012 at 10:04 pm #

        Thank you, kind words are always appreciated!! 🙂

        Sometimes unkind words can be invaluable as well, if they are constructive and not destructive.;)

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