Wilderness

18 Jun

Well it’s been a little bit, as I’ve been in my little world of gloomy drudgedom. Oh I have the mopes in the worst way!

Here’s what’s contributing to my moodiness:

1. Being in shutdown mode. For me, when I get disheartened, I have a tendency to get pulled into perpetual distraction, partially because I become completely passive. So I could spend all day looking up doctor who episodes, or reading people’s reviews on other things, or watching silly you tube videos. Shutdown mode means I’m living life like I’m in some sort of waiting room, biding my time until other things come along. Sometimes this is necessary, sometimes it is not.

2. Wanting a change but not knowing at all where to start. I’m not happy in my current job, but not terribly unhappy either. My boss is nice enough. It’s corporate though, with performance expectations and the like and I just don’t dig it. I’m not averse to expectations, mind you, it’s got something to do with crunching everything into numbers and being expected to be a cog in the machine. I’m not a very good cog.

3. Feeling that I can’t talk about these unhappinesses, because I am lucky in a million ways. I have a great partner, I have a job when they aren’t exactly falling out of trees, I’m basically secure. I’m in limbo, not hell.

4. Feeling a little isolated. I’m not around many people who are like me. Is that necessary? I’m always loving people’s differences, but sometimes communication gets very tough. I often feel misunderstood.

5. In short, I am getting by very well (but I’ve always known how to do that). I am not thriving. What would make me thrive?

Ok, a hot question. Now I’ve got someplace to start. There’s always a door.

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