A list of unrelated thoughts

3 May

Phew, lately I’ve been feeling extremely static and frustrated about it.  Ever feel planted in the ground?  Or like in Through the Looking Glass where the white queen tells Alice that she has to run as fast as she can to stay in the same place?  That’s where I am emotionally.  I have to fight the impulse to make extreme changes to try to counterpoint the general lethargy around me.  Extreme changes can be good, but in the mood I’m in I’d be making them just to look at something different.  So for now, small changes will have to do.  I’m messing around with my schedule, seeing what could work better for me.

The other unrelated thing I have to talk about is for some reason I’ve received the genes from my family that gives me weapon-like fingernails.  Honestly, I can’t scratch without drawing blood even when I cut them to the quick.  If I were a lady, maybe I would revel in my nails and decorate them with fingernail jewelry and wave them all around (or maybe I’d become a witch–witches need long fingernails to make pointing creepier and more effective.)  But for me, right now, useless!  I wish I could trade my super strong fingernails for some other body trait.

Things that I find comforting:  a book and a blanket, soup, baking bread, sweeping, tea, soft music, nature shows, cough drops, altoids, candles, lemons, big windows with light pouring through them, rain on the roof, how the outside smells first thing in the morning, smiling, slow meandering walks, any form of running water (well not the toilet, any natural form of running water), big glossy magazines, making something just to make something, nice paper, yoga, jigsaw puzzles

Things that I find fun:  dancing, comedy, any kind of game, secret jokes, funny voices, being in public places and watching people, old-style comic books, junk stores, dime-store candy,  shiny things, singing, play

Things I find interesting: Old photos, attics, people’s histories, systems, how people think, meditation and mindfulness, maps, travel, dreams, literature and the arts, museums, style, people’s rules of thumb, cultures, order, wholes and parts,

Things that Wear me out:  rules and regulations, emotional labor, office politics, the telephone, restless wandering, waiting, noise, the endless information stream that everybody is hooked onto these days, television, junk food, conflict, to do lists, making nice, cold light, worry

Question:  What would happen if I had no expectations of myself?  Is that possible?  Would the results be good or bad?  (Then again the whole concept of results is based on expectation as well.)  What would living be like?  

 

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