A dream and my cat

24 Mar

As I am watching my cat gazing out our apartment window, I can’t help but think of the dream I had last night. Those two things don’t connect directly, but as this is about a dream, I suspect no two things will.

Last night I dreamed that I don’t have to worry about anything right now because future-me will take care of it. That future me is working frantically making just the right home (in both time and space) and all I had to do right now is be.

Such an odd dream–striving is such a part of my make-up, and when I’m not striving I’m striving to strive. It’s what all the movies are about–some person reaching for their dreams, but maybe it doesn’t work that way. I’ve never seen anybody in real life that had a life like that after all.

(My cat is looking very eagerly at the birds outside, fortunately separated by a window.)

Non-striving has always been the hardest concept for me to swallow. Not that I’m a type-A, gotta win, scream on his cellphone sort of guy (and thank heaven I’m not!) but it just seems like planning’s needed, and effort, and work, and non-striving feels a little close to giving up. I always hated it when people gave up. It reminds me of people who don’t leave their houses, that only watch television, that talk about nothing and think about nothing and are basically ticking off the days til death.

But non striving can be more like a bird-in-a-cage. Try to get a bird out of a cage and you might have some trouble. Leave the door open and sooner or later the bird will leave, as free and easy as an exhalation.

Ok universe, I’m leaving the door open.

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