I Don’t Give Advice

18 Mar

I am not the sort of person you would go to for advice.

I am just figuring things out as I go along (actually wouldn’t that be a great synonym for life “figuring things out as we go along?) and I know nothing more than anybody else in most things. I like being this way.

The biggest way I go about this is I try really hard NOT to give advice. It’s actually quite difficult sometimes. It’s not that I’m so keen on giving advice, but it’s that conversation seem to have moments where advice-giving would oil its hinges so-to-speak.

Ah, but that’s why I don’t give it. Most of the time advice is really not wanting to listen coupled with not wanting to tell someone to stop talking.

Most of the time people talking about problems are not in a place to fix them. Sometimes those problems are the downside to a choice that also has upsides, so there’s no desire to fix it. Sometimes that problem is just being thought about and the speaker is not ready to fix it. Sometimes the problem is there and it just needs to be waited out and they’re just expressing about it.

So expressing these problems isn’t so much a means to find answers about them, but more a means to let it out, to feel validated, to say their story and to hear “yes, that’s hard.”

The other thing is that the things that work for me won’t necessarily work for other people who well. Hell, half the things that work for me only work for me most/some of the time as it is. If someone asks me explicitly for advice I will give it, but only on the very smallest and simplest ways. Most of the time I will just say my experience or repeat the person’s stuff back to them.

As for advice in general, well, there’s a million websites, books, posters, programs et. al just for that. I expect people find the advice they want to hear and ignore the rest. That’s what I did, and then I stopped looking at them and started listening to myself more.

5 Responses to “I Don’t Give Advice”

  1. Shez March 19, 2012 at 11:08 am #

    Excellent advise!!! I never thought of it that way. Thank you. 😉

    • pewterbreath March 19, 2012 at 5:53 pm #

      I didn’t used to leave it that way myself. It also saves on being irritated when people don’t take your advice (then again, I don’t know anything about anything, so it doesn’t matter.)

      • Shez March 19, 2012 at 9:22 pm #

        Sorry about the typo. I meant that to say: “EXCELLENT ADVICE.”

      • pewterbreath March 19, 2012 at 9:32 pm #

        Eh, typo, shmypo. I think typo should be its own language. I speak fluent typo.

      • Shez March 19, 2012 at 9:55 pm #

        It must run in the family hahaha

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