29 Jan

I just came to a realization that was a perfect “duh” moment. For awhile I have been struggling with why I really dislike my job, which for the most part is a good gig. The people I work with are fine, I’m actually helping people, it’s in the medical field so there’s always some interesting fact that comes up sooner or later, the benefits and pay are decent. Yet, day after day, I come home fried–not “just having put in a good day’s work that I love” fried, but deep-fried, tired and depressed and frazzled.

The reason is that I’m an introvert in a super-extroverted role. I talk to more than a hundred people a day on the phone. I share an office with 6 people. For every interaction I am currently working on, there’s three or four waiting. Also a heavy amount of dealmaking and politicking–of the good sort, I mean it’s not “office politics” but it’s having long discussions figuring out the best course of action and making sure that everybody is on the same page. No wonder some days I look at my work lists and have a heavy heart. By the end of the week I’m not interested in being around people at all.

Work reminds me of the tail end of a road trip, where I’ve been in a car full of people for a long time and I’m just aching to have some time to myself, to breathe my own air, to relax. Honestly, after being around people that much, I have trouble thinking clearly–my head is a slow throb.

You might think I’m bad at my job. I’m not. I’m very good at my job. In fact, most of the people I work with think I’m an extrovert. I’m trying to find the means to move on. I need to move on, but towards something–I’ve been a starving artist before and I’m not willing to do that song and dance again. I can’t just quit. I’m thinking and planning. It will happen.

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