A New Me Comes to Town

25 Jan

Lately I’ve had a version of myself be out that I wasn’t too comfortable with, but have been learning to love. We are all legion, multiple in the faces that we present to the world, collections of many parts which combine and separate like wax in a lava lamp.

Sometimes these new faces can be quite surprising–lately a very opinionated, vocal, somewhat impatient side of myself has been showing his face. Let me tell you, it has been a challenge, to me whose M.O. has always been being rather mellow. (Mellow M.O. a band that comes soon near you!)

This guy though, he’s zooming about, pushing, wanting his voice to be heard. Loud, louder–and the rest of me, the still-mellow-look-at-dandelions part of me, stands aside and thinks “OMG I JUST SAID THAT!”

At first it made me one very nervous cat, but I’m not saying hurtful things, I’m just saying more than I previously had, and I LOVE it. It’s like being naked, at first very vulnerable feeling, but then once people see me naked and are used to it, it’s unexpectedly wonderful.

(Not that I would be that way if I were LITERALLY naked. I’m no jaybird.)

To say the truth that I see it. To know that there are other truths. To just be, and follow the feelings within. What a wonderful gift!

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5 Responses to “A New Me Comes to Town”

  1. jessicaserran January 25, 2012 at 7:30 am #

    I love reading this. I love the idea of being bolder with our truths, and also how you talk about the vulnerability of wearing the new pants (or being pantless!)

    • pewterbreath January 26, 2012 at 4:34 am #

      Thank you! I think we can only be truly naked (in the metaphorical sense) at certain moments in life. However, I certainly feel better the less encumbered I am. So sometimes I might be wearing a metaphorical loincloth, and sometimes a seersucker suit, and sometimes swaddled in blankets.

      • jessicaserran January 26, 2012 at 7:58 am #

        oh my! what’s a seersucker suit??

      • pewterbreath January 27, 2012 at 5:15 am #

        AH, it’s a secret thing. Not really–it’s one of those light suits like barbershop quartets tend to wear. Personally I like the word seersucker more than the actual item. But isn’t that so with so many things?

      • jessicaserran January 27, 2012 at 8:09 am #

        wow. it’s actually in the dictionary. i totally assumed that you had made it up. the word, separated out from its actual meaning, is a gorgeous thing to contemplate…

        one who sees and sucks.

        perhaps…

        i have a sneaky feeling it might make it into one of my drawings! 😉

        jessica

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