23 Jan

I keep on thinking as to how I could have a refreshing life–an uncola life if you will. I have this idea of freedom, and I might be living in grass-is-greener syndrome, but freedom being where I can do what I do best, live off of it, and feel safe. Right now I’m in a lower-end office job that I find quite unsatisfying–but I have to say I’m extraordinarily grateful to have an income, benefits, and office mates who I more or less get along with.

Oh, but to get out of the bureaucracy–I have tears in my eyes about it! To not be sick in 9-5, to spend my days with things I’m passionate about! To do drudgery for me rather than a big corporation. I dream of this freedom.

Does it just take courage? Can I transition? Should I cut the cord? I don’t know–it seems to me though, being jobless and broke will be just as limiting, PLUS a lot less secure. I’m impressed by people who can live by the seat of their pants, but I do want much more. Just more, like Oliver Twist–instead of being a cog in a machine, a world that is more organic and lush and lively, to sit in confidence in myself, and to at least give it a go.

I am constantly thinking about this. I am afraid of being someone who stays in a crap job never going what he wants, just staying and staying, because it’s convenient.

…but I want to be safe.

Whiny–ain’t I. However I think this lack of faith is hardly my unique problem.

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